Why Did I Get Married (Part Three)

What does a contract marriage look like? Contract marriage bases the security and stability of the marriage on the ability of people not to sin. As long as neither one of us mess up then we can stay together, but once someone sins then it is time for a divorce. I would compare this relationship to my contract that I currently have with AT & T. They both have three characteristics in common:

1)Made for a limited period of time
I signed a two year contract with my cell phone company. During this two year period we are STUCK together. If I decided to leave then there are steep penalties that must be paid. In a contract marriage we look at the relationship from a short-term perspective. I will stay with you only until something better comes along.

There are now places considering a seven year marriage. In this relationship you cannot divorce unless their is sexual immorality or spousal abuse. Outside these two 'deal breakers' you are bound to your spouse for seven years. Once the seven years is up you have the choice to sign a new contract or go on your separate ways. Some say this is the way to go, but I do not believe this is what God intended marriage to look like.

2) Each party is bound to specific responsibilities
With my cell phone company I am responsible for paying my bill every month. If I choose not to pay it then they will discontinue my service. When I am paying my bill they are bound to providing service for me. These responsibilities are outlined in very small print on the contract that was given to me. It is my responsibility to know what is expected of me because AT & T will hold me to it even if I do not read the fine print.

In a contract marriage both spouses are expecting certain things from each other (communication, companionship, intimacy, etc.) What happens when one spouse does not 'keep up their end of the deal'? Do I have the right to divorce them because they have broken the contract? I would surely hope not! Each of us daily do not live up to the expectations of our spouse. There will be times when we are not as kind or forgiving as the other one is expecting. Do we just call it quits when this happens or should we actually try to work through our problems?

3) Entered into for one’s own benefit
I don't send money to AT & T every month because I am in love with the company. I pay them money because I am getting a good deal. Once I feel like I am not getting a good deal anymore then I am going to start looking for another company to handle my phone calls. In a contract marriage each spouse is looking out for their own needs. Once my needs are not being met then it is time to find someone else who can do that for me. This is nothing short of being selfish!

I can imagine someone reading this thinking 'What is the big deal?! Isn't it my own business how I approach my marriage?' The answer to that question is a resounding 'Yes' but if I claim to be a Christian then I must view my marriage as something much different than a contract. The contract seems to be appealing to most, but it does not lead to commitment.

So where do we go next? I believe we must next take a look at the implications of a covenant marriage and the benefits we can gain from it.

Why Did I Get Married? (Part Two)

So what makes a Christian marriage different from other marriages? I have heard the following answers "Two Christians who love God" "Couple that goes to church together" "We read our Bible together and pray regularly" I believe those are great attributes to have in a relationship, but is that all that makes us different? The reason that this question is important is that Christians are getting divorced just a quick as those who do not follow God. Why is that? If my neighbor is not a Christian and my marriage looks no different than theirs then there is something wrong with my marriage.

There is a concept that is presented several times throughout Scripture that embodies what God wants for each of our marriages. This concept is called 'covenant'. Covenant can be described as an official acknowledgement of God's promises to man and man's intent to accept and be obedient to God's promises and commandments. There are several Scripture throughout the Bible that discusses covenant.

In Genesis 9:8-17, God makes a covenant through and with Noah that He would never again flood the Earth. In this covenant God makes a permanent promise to man that He would not break regardless of what they did. God does not ask man to do anything but accept the covenant. We can have confidence that the world will not be destroyed by water because of the trust we have in the promises of God.

In Genesis 12:1-7 we see God calling Abram to "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." God promises to make Him into a great nation and to bless his name. Abram's part of this covenant was to simply leave and follow God. The passage does not tell of Abram's relationship with God prior to this point, but Abram does this and God blesses him. Once again confidence is a part of this relationship because of the trust that was present.

Imagine a relationship where two people trusted each other and God enough that they make a promise to stay together forever. Some would say that doesn't make sense. This type of relationship could be too risky because the other person may change their mind or not do their part. What would you do then? I am convinced that a marriage based on covenant would tend to outlast any other type of marriage because the focus is put on God and working toward keeping your promise. If I am basing the security of my marriage on the ability of my partner not to sin or mess up then I have a relationship that is a contract.

Tomorrow I want to discuss what a contract marriage looks like and how it is not something that no one should desire.

Why Did I Get Married? (Part One)

In 2007, the great Tyler Perry wrote and produced a movie called Why Did I Get Married? This movie follows the story of four couples and the relationship issues that they are going through. This film gives a realistic viewpoint on the problems of married life and how we can sometimes grow apart. If you have not seen the movie it is worth the rental fee. It is PG-13 so go to www.screenit.com to get a complete review before you rent it.

I believe this is a great question for all married people to consider, why did you get married? When I do premarital counseling I always ask the couples this question. The responses are usually predictable, but always funny. "I love her" "He completes me" "It just feels right" "She is cute" "He makes me happy" The reasons go on and on! These reason are not necessarily wrong, but I believe there are many others factors that should come into play.

This month I am conducting a marriage seminar in North Little Rock, AR at the Lynch Road Church of Christ. We will be answering the same question, why did I get married? There will be five areas of concern that we will look at in order to answer this question:
1) To Have a Distinctively Christian Marriage
2) To Live in Submission to God
3) To Communicate My Needs
4) To Live in Peace
5) To Share Intimacy With My Spouse

I will be blogging about each of these topics during the month of May.

I hope you will join me on Tuesday when I will begin discussing what makes a Christian marriage distinctively different.

Picking Up Where I Left Off

I passionately enjoyed blogging for the first year that I began. Life caught up with me and I let it slip away. I noticed that while I was blogging I was able to get a bunch of stuff off of my chest. Well it has been over a year since I have been active on here.

Starting Monday I am going to get back to my old self and put some of my observations on life on here.

I hope you are ready for the ride because I have so much to share!!!!

See you on Monday!

My Poor Neglected Blog

I have been so busy with life that I have not been here in a bit. I will share one thought with you with the hope of returning here next week.

It seems that the residents of Arkansas were given an important choice at birth: tattoos or teeth. It seems that majority have chosen tattoos because teeth seem optional.